Goodnight, ovaries.

We decided against delaying chemotherapy to do anything fertility-wise. This was one of the hardest decisions we've had to make since this all started, and I think there's a small part of me that will always wonder if we made the right decision.

We met with a fertility doctor earlier this week to better understand the IVF process for egg retrieval and embryo freezing; understand what our outlook even was given I just had Sadie three months ago and am still technically breastfeeding; and finally to get an idea of other options we might have down the road.

We know several people who have gone the IVF route, some very close to us - and yet we still couldn't have even begun to understand or appreciate everything they have been through before we had our own consultation. The testing, the injections, the medications, the pretty much daily monitoring - and most importantly for us - the time it would take to give this a real shot. Best case scenario was delaying the start of chemo 3-4 weeks, and that was assuming my body responded well to all of the medications and hormones that would attempt to perk up my ovaries. Given that my cancer is hormone-driven, I wasn't exactly crazy about the idea of loading my body up with more.

Joe and I talked at length about what to do, revisited all of the what-ifs; and in the end we both agreed that we didn't want to delay treatment. We feel beyond blessed to have Sadie in our lives, and if she's meant to be our only child, then we already feel like we've hit the jackpot. But in this moment, we chose to focus on my health so that Sadie would have the best chance at growing up with both her mom and dad - at least that's what we are choosing to believe. We made the decision and moved forward.

Wednesday, January 27, 2021, I had the injection that would work to try and hide my ovaries from the chemo, with the hope that they would make it out unscathed once chemo is finished and all of this is in the rear view. The nurse said most women respond well, but side effects can include hot flashes and mood swings. Poor Joe. As if the last year wasn't enough of an emotional rollercoaster, now his wife is going straight from post-partum to "menopause" with no break in between.

A quick injection in the tummy, one that would be repeated every 28 days, and there was no turning back.