A lump, a mammogram, and a biopsy walk into a bar...

I had my post-partum exam on December 3, 2020. A standard check up after delivery, but little did I know it would be the day that would drastically change my life for the foreseeable future. The very last thing my doctor had to do during my appointment was a breast exam, which by the way is tricky enough when the breastfeeding Gods have blessed you with an incredible supply.

Initially, she felt lumps on both breasts - one on each side. And as a precaution she said she wanted to refer me to get a mammogram. Probably nothing - a blocked milk duct. Neither of us believed it would be anything more.

At first, my biggest fear was the actual mammogram. Women don't exactly dream about getting their boobs flattened like a pancake, but I figured I could handle it having just recently birthed a child. So I strapped on my Wonder Woman cape and got on the schedule.

Mammogram? Not so bad. You gals will be fine.

But then the nurse said, "We're going to take you back and do an ultrasound so the radiologist can take a closer look." Mmmk...

I was relieved when the radiologist came in and took a look at my left breast first. She confirmed it was just dense breast tissue, nothing to be concerned about. "I do, however, see a mass on the right side that looks different than the rest of the breast tissue. I'd like to get a biopsy of that today, if you're open to it." And that's when I started panicking.

Side bar: before this my only experience with the term 'biopsy' is from the scene in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the aunt tells the main character's future in-laws that she had a "bi-bopsy" of a lump on her neck, and inside the lump were teeth, and a spinal cord. "Yes. Inside the lump, was my twin." So, yeah...you could say I was pretty clueless about what was about to happen.

The biopsy itself wasn't scary; those of you who have had one know the drill. A poke, five clicks, and it was over. They talked me through it, it didn't hurt much - but I still laid there with tears streaming down my face the whole time. Looking back, I think a very small part of me could feel that I was going to get bad news. I didn't want to believe it. I sure as hell wasn't going to say it out loud. Also, pro-tip: never get a biopsy done on a Friday if you can help it. Having to wait for the results over the weekend was, in a word: excruciating.

Monday, January 18, 2021 we got the call. I remember the first part of what the nurse said, but I blacked out the actual words she used to tell me that I have cancer. "I'm calling with the results of your biopsy...and I'm so sorry to inform you that---" No idea what she said next, but we knew. I just remember sitting there in shock, holding my 3 month old baby who was looking up at me with her sparkly eyes, no idea that her mom's life was crashing down around them.

Truthfully I still can't believe I can actually say the words "I have cancer." It's been a week since we found out and it still doesn't feel real. It also feels like we got that phone call forever ago. It was one of the worst days of our lives, but we had no clue how head-spinning the next few days would be as we learned more about what this all meant and the life-changing decisions we would need to make.