The day the cancer died.

JUNE 18, 2021.

Six months EXACTLY from the day I was diagnosed, and two days after my double mastectomy, my surgeon called: "It's all good news. No cancer found in the removed breast tissue." A 60 second call that lifted a metric ton from my shoulders - and for the first time in six months, I could breathe.

***

The four weeks between my last chemo and surgery were busy. It took me a full two weeks to recover from chemo, and then I had a slew of appointments: radio oncology consult, another echocardiogram, my first herceptin-only infusion (these will continue every three weeks through January 2022), my pre-op physical, and a brain tickler (Covid test) before quarantining the few days leading up to my procedure.

Before we knew it, it was the night before surgery. My mom had come and planned to stay for the next 10 days to help me and be an extra set of hands with Sadie. We didn't give my boobs quite the same farewell as my hair, but we popped some bubbly and toasted them for a good 35 year run.

June 16, 2021 was surgery day. And it was a long one. My surgery wasn't until 3pm, but I had a handful of appointments before I even went into pre-op:

• 9:00 appt at the plastic surgeon's office so he could mark up my chest with a Sharpie - outlining the areas for reconstruction work. He marked me up, initialed my boobs like Mick Jagger, and we were out the door on our way to the hospital.

• 10:00 appt for my next Zoladex injection.

• 10:30 appt for the guide wire placement - a thin wire they placed inside my armpit, indicating to the surgeon the lymph node/area that was biopsied.

• 11:00 appt for the radioactive dye injection. The radiologist injected the dye near my areola and by the time of surgery it would travel up into my lymph nodes and identify which nodes had been affected by cancer, the nodes that would need to be surgically removed. The removed node tissue would be examined under a microscope while I was still in surgery, and if cancer cells were found, the surgeon would then need to remove all of the lymph nodes in that area (15-20 nodes), which we didn't want to happen.

After that I checked into pre-op and once I was settled, Joe was able to come back and sit with me. It seemed like an eternity, but the OR nurse finally came and said they were ready, so at about 3:20 they wheeled me back.

Surgery took about four hours total; the first half for my general surgeon to remove all of my breast tissue, and the second half for the plastic surgeon to start the reconstruction work. They kept Joe informed throughout surgery, and both surgeons spoke with him after they finished their portions, so he knew before I did: NO cancer found in the lymph nodes. This was a HUGE first piece of good news. They found three nodes total that were affected by the cancer and needed to be removed - the minimum amount we were hoping for and best case scenario!

I was foggy coming out of anesthesia, but I'm pretty sure it was my first question to Joe: Cancer in the lymph nodes? I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, but I remember the relief I felt when he told me the good news. Thank you, God. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, Everything. My surgeon stopped by to see me that night in the hospital and reiterated what she had found, but reminded us it would be a few days before we'd receive the final pathology of the breast tissue that was removed. The final report would tell us if there were any individual cells still lingering in either breast, indicating whether or not I had a complete response to the chemotherapy.

Two days later, June 18th, my surgeon called with the news. No cancer in the lymph nodes. No cancer in the breast tissue. Complete response. Cancer-free. We've been floating ever since.

***

As an added bonus, surgery recovery has been much better than anticipated. I didn't know what to expect - I was dreading it - but I think I've done well. I was able to go home after only one night in the hospital, and after the first week I was on Tylenol just a few times a day to manage any soreness. I came home with two drains stitched into my sides that removed any excess fluid from building up around my incisions. I wouldn't recommend them just for fun, but they weren't nearly as awful as I had imagined. I mean they're disgusting and I hated them, but, like everything else - you just do it.

The plastic surgeon said his portion of my procedure went really well and at my first post-op appointment, he was happy with how everything looked. Expanders were placed under my skin and I'll get weekly "fills" until I reach the size that I'm happy with. Kind of like Build-A-Bear, but for boobs. Build-A-Boob. The surgeon injected a few hundred cc's inside each expander during surgery so when I woke up I wasn't completely flat chested, and they added another 100 cc's a week later. Fascinating how they do it - they use a hand held magnet to find the metal port on each expander and mark the spots with an X; then straight through the X they stick the needle and push the saline in through a syringe. 20 seconds later - bam - slightly fuller boobs.

The expanders will be in place until I can get my actual implants, which will be about four months after I finish radiation. Then nipple reconstruction. Then tattooing for color. Whew. Everyone get ready for their big debut - Summer 2022. Nip Slip Summer.

As expected, I am pretty numb all over, especially on my right side. I have some feeling on my left side, but not a ton - so that will take some getting used to. Otherwise...I haven't looked too close or too long at the reconstruction work yet. Just a few quick glimpses in the mirror because I'm still a little scared of what I'll see. I keep reminding myself that reconstruction is a process. That a year from now the final result will look great. That my body had a complete response to chemo and that the cancer is gone. That it was all completely worth it.

I keep reminding myself that I'm a total fucking badass.

***

Yesterday, June 29, 2021, I had my post-op appointment with my oncologist to review the final pathology report and discuss the next steps of my treatment plan. We went over a lot of information - the infusions I'll continue to get over the next seven months, the oral medication I'll start in two months, how I'll manage staying in menopause for the next three years - but mostly, we celebrated. We let the joy fill up the room and reveled together in the amazing results we had both worked so hard for over the past six months. Complete response. Cancer-free.

I asked her if this meant that I was in remission, not really knowing what remission meant, and she said, "Girl. You're cured." I shivered. Remission means that while there may be no signs of cancer, there's a high likelihood of the cancer coming back. It would just be a matter of time. But based on my final report my doctor put me at a 95-96% cure rate and they do NOT anticipate my cancer coming back. Ever.

I won't see my doctor again for two months and I hugged her hard before she left. I'm still at a loss for the words you use to thank someone for saving your life. To thank someone for the work they dedicate their life to because it allows me to grow old with my husband and our daughter to grow up with her mama. I'll find the words eventually. She hugged me back and said, "Alright, now go get your life back."

*ugly cries for the millionth time this year*

***

Today marks two weeks since my double mastectomy and I'm doing great. MOSTLY because...I GOT MY DRAINS OUT TODAY! Omg. I actually happy screamed when my plastic surgeon said: "Let's get 'em out."

The first week with drains - not too bad, and thankfully my mom was here to do the dirty work and clean them 4x a day. The second week - they were like literal thorns in my sides. The cleanings, the tugging, the showering wearing a mesh drain holder - I was over it! I could not WAIT to get them out. Two snips and the doctor slurped the tubing right out of me. It's a good thing I didn't watch what he was doing or see anything he pulled out of me because I probably would have thrown up on his shoes, but I felt like a whole new woman when he was done.

It has been a WILD two weeks. Surgery behind me. Reconstruction underway. And just like my journey began, it's like my life changed overnight. Six months exactly from the day I was diagnosed, I'm a cancer survivor. It's overwhelming to even try to begin processing it all. So for now I'm focused on healing, spending time with my husband and our baby Sadie, and finding any excuse I can to have a glass of champagne.